I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's blow job season.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
