We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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