dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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