I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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