Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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