i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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