The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
