i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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