census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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