this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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