Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
