two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
