I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this beer tastes like vomit already
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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