My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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