It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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