There was a lot of him and a little penis
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
