I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
