i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
