Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
