when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
