You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize