If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
