my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
