it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
