Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
