with your own penis?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
