turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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