I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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