Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
