that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
