So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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