Taylor Swift is so right about you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
