weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
