Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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