There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
