Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
