my vag is so smooth its legendary
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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