The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
