I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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