can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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