I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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