So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
