should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
