Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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