Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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