pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
