He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
