I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
