He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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