I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We were destined to go to rehab together
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize