My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
