Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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