just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
whose parrot is this?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
