the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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