he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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