you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
