i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
