Whats the glycemic index on semen?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
