I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
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After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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