we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
