And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
