Moan for me like Helen Keller
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
