So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
