you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
