i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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