I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
