Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
