So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
