we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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