I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
