lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
