Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My life is pants optional.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
