he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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