he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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