Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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