peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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